(The Legend of) Miss Baltimore Crabs

Front step, cha-cha-cha, back step cha-cha-cha Side step, front step, back, and turn Oh my god, penny, there's Link, Link! I can't believe I'm really here auditioning! I can't believe I'm really here watching you audition! Front step, cha-cha-cha, back step cha-cha-cha Side step, front step, back, and tu- Oh, amber, look at this motly crew! Oh, this town has sure gone downhill since I was crowned miss Oh, mother not more ancient history Oh my God, how times have changed These girl's either blind Or completely deranged But time seemed to halt When I was, "Miss Baltimore Crabs" Amber, that move is far too dirty Mother, wake up from that dream of yours, this isn't 1930 You can laugh, but life's a test Don't do this, don't do that Remember, mother knows best For the crown's in the vault From when I won "Miss Baltimore Crabs" These steps are perfect ammunition Let me show you how your mommy dear took out the competition Girls, go get 'em Boys, let's rumba One, two, three, four, five, six, seven Those poor runner-ups Might still hold some grudges They padded their cups, but I screwed the judges Those broads thought they'd win If a plate they would spin in their dance Ha, not a chance Boys, put me down Oh, good morning ladies Let's see what you got Twist, twist, twist, twist Mashed potato, mambo Ready? Begin On my show you'll never find A thrusting hip or bumping grind What's that, a dance for fleas and ticks? Oh you should have seen my bag of tricks Oh, I hit the stage, batons ablaze While belting Aida and preparing soufflés But that triple somersault Is how I clinched, "Miss Baltimore Crabs" Proceed Are you scared we're on live? No, I'm sure I can cope Well, this show isn't broadcast in Cinemascope I never drank one chocolate malt No desserts for "Miss Baltimore Crabs" This one will never get a date in those hand me down clothes Ha, kid she'll never get a date 'til daddy buys her a new nose I would say "Oy Gevalt" If I wasn't "Miss Baltimore Crabs" Do you dance like you dress? Amber, there's no need to be cruel Would you swim in an integrated pool? I sure would, I'm all for integration It's the new frontier Not in Baltimore it isn't And may I be frank First impressions can be tough And when I saw you, I knew it If your size weren't enough Your last answer just blew it And so, my dear, so short and stout You'll never be in So we're kicking you out With your form and your face Oh, but it isn't your fault You're just down with a case of "Miss Baltimore Crabs" Eh, you may go Um, thank you? I think they secretly liked you May I please audition? Of course not But you may bow and exalt 'Cause I am "Miss Baltimore Crabs" Crabs, crabs, crabs

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